A little babbling

I realize it has been a while since I've felt really motivated to blog.  The sad thing is that I have so much to share.  First of all, I have one of the cutest, sweetest kids ever born into this world.  Sorry girls- its true!  He has been so fun lately and we've had a good time doing all kinds of things like the splash park, playing in the back yard, playing with friends, school, zoo, park, mall, sidewalk chalk, play doh, flying kites, playing golf with Dad, and the list could go on forever.  Not that I am an expert in any way, however I've really been trying to implement some Love and Logic strategies in our household and its been really great!  I feel like Finn understands that his actions are what causes consequences.  I still have a lot to learn but we are off to a great start with this and I highly recommend it.
Now that I've told you how awesome my son is, lets get into why I haven't been motivated to blog lately.  I've learned since I've gotten older that as much as I like to be a private person, I feel so much better when I talk about my life openly.  All that to say, I can't blog and not discuss my inability to get pregnant.   I refuse to use the word infertility because I fell like there are so many women out there that deserve that word way more than I do.  First, I have to state how incredibly blessed I am.  I already have one the most precious children God ever created.  Secondly, I have not had to suffer the loss of a child or the pain of a miscarriage.  I am healthy and happy.  I do think though over the last year (more than that really but for the sake of explanation) the mere fact that I haven't gotten what I want when Ive wanted it has caused me to ask God questions that seem hard to answer.  For example, "I'm a good Mom, right?  Why would God not want me to have more children if I'm a good Mom and have the drive and desire to raise my children to follow him?" The mere fact that I had questions for God seemed like a struggle for me.  I don't know, doesn't it seem like we should just always have blind faith and never question Gods works in the world?  The more I've dove into Gods word this year the more I feel like its OK to ask questions.  Asking those hard questions is growing my faith, not diluting it.  I also believe God is bigger than my questions and can handle anything I throw at him.  So this is the beginning of the babbling that's been going on in my head...but for today I leave you with this: No matter what the answer to my desires and questions are, I want to be a woman who will ALWAYS serve my God whether I get my way in this world or not!  So I've joined in prayer with the hundreds and probably millions of women before me who desired another child (Hannah, Sarah, Elizabeth to name a few).  But I want my prayer to change to not just give me a child but for his will to reign in my life, (even if that means I'm done having kids) and for God to provide me the peace that only he can provide.